Time to Let Go - part 1 (August 2011)

Have you ever had that experience?

When you recognise all of a sudden, with total clarity, that you have been holding on to someone or something for so long, and now it's time to finally let go. And, in the same moment, you do let go. Completely. Like exhaling through every cell in your body. Gone. Weight lifted. This letting go doesn't feel like a conscious decision; you may have told yourself many times before that you "need to let go" of this person or thing, whilst still repeating the same cycle of holding on behaviour. But THIS real letting go just happens; it's not yet another "try to" or plan of action. It's accompanied by lightness, a smile, bemeusement. It's easy. It's real. It feels loving;non judgemental. It's like it has been given to you .. at last, and often after much struggle. Some might call it grace, the gift of grace perhaps. It's a magical moment. Though the people that care for you may compliment you on your "moving on at last", you know that you didn't achieve it without some sort of external intervention. You may have your own perspectives or beliefs on what that external intervention was; regardless, you know you didn't achieve it on your own. It's a humbling and positive experience.

What do we hold on to?

Perspectives
As humans we can be very attached to being "right". We are constantly trying to influence others to accept our point of view, our idea. We are often automatically defensive if given feedback that we have done something to disappoint others, or let them down in some way. This comes from deep fears within us that if someone finds fault in what we do we will not be accepted or loved by them. Whenever did you love someone because they were always right! Yet this subconscious fear lingers deep within each of us, and drives our holding on to our "rightness".

People
My guess is we have all at sometime experienced holding on to someone in our lives too tightly or for too long, and observed our family and friends do the same in their lives. Often this behaviour is easier to see in others than ourselves. The holding on to could be to our children as they rightly become more independant of us, family members who have died, partners who we fear will leave, or who we are fearful of leaving, friends with whom we no longer have a real meaningful connection, people we are drawn to but simply cannot build an intimate connection with due to the reality of our life circumstances.

Possessions
How much does what you "have" in this world currently define who you are, and your "worthieness"? Most people have worked hard for what they have, whether those "belongings" are modest or grand. Some people will come to conclusions about us as people based on what we have. So if we are lacking a solid sense of belonging within ourselves, then our physical possessions or "belongings" may be seen as a route to being accepted to a particular group, society, or by a person we desire this acceptance from.

Check in for part two of this message soon.

We can reflect on other elements we tend to hold on to,

and why we find it hard to let go.

Alison
 write to me at alison@gaincoaching.com

  Printable Version

Previous Messages

  Choose Your Mode

  Gaining Wisdom, Gaining Years

  Walk this Way

  Make your Mark

  Your Year

  Relationship Ripples

  Facets of Friendship - Part 2 - Chemistry

  Facets of Friendship - Part 1

  Being your own Coach

  Expand Your Life

  Patterns

  Losses, Gains & Gratitude

  Getting Your Sparkle Back

  Seasons for Change