Choose Your Mode (March 2011)

Well, here we are, almost at the end of the first quarter of 2011 already. Time has whizzed by in it's usual unstoppable manner, and I am thankful for a less busy week this week.  This is a gift of time..... to update, clear the clutter, and reflect.  I am in the process of writing you a new message which is not ready to post yet. Meanwhile, I'm pleased to share with you a message from Mike George, writer and retreat leader.  Mike has written several books, including the inspiring "7 AHA's of Highly Enlightened Souls".  He emails a free bi-weekly message which you can subscribe to.  I recommend these - they always make me think. You can subscribe by contacting Mike  mike@relax7.com  or www.awarenessretreats.com   The message I have chosen for you this time centers around a theme that has been at the front of my awareness this year so far.  Enjoy!

If you look back on your average day you will likely notice that you frequently oscillate between two modes - resistance and acceptance. For many people it’s a classic 80/20 where 80% of their time is spent in some form of resistance to something or someone. For some, on some days, it will feel more like 99/1. And for a few it’s 10/90. For most of us it’s probably somewhere in between. What we don’t often notice however, is that it’s our urge towards resistance, even if it’s just at a mental level, that is the cause of our day-to-day stress. It’s not what others, or the world, are doing that makes us move into a mode of resistance, it’s our reaction, which is based on our judgment of them.

We live in a world where the influences of the media ensure we are well schooled in the art of RESISTANCE. Battles fought and won are glorified to such an extent we prefer to avoid a possible resolution prior to battle so that we may bask in a glorious victory. At the heart of politics, sport, business and even religion there can be found an ‘encouragement’ towards resistance. And yet, on reflection, it becomes

fairly obvious that resistance is an unenlightened way to live. Here is why!

When you resist anyone or anything notice you are trying to control

what you cannot control, usually it’s either the ‘past’ or the others ‘behaviour’. When you resist another person notice you are giving birth to conflict.

All conflict is simply two sides in a state of resistance towards each other.

When you resist anyone or anything notice how you are becoming

closed towards the other or the situation, usually because you perceive them/it as a threat. When you resist anyone or anything notice that you are in a state of stress entirely created by your self. When you resist anyone or any thing notice the ‘emotional content’ of your resistance is either anger or fear, or one of their subtler forms.

It’s only when we recognise that no one and nothing ‘makes’ us resist, only when we recognise it is a self-created reaction that we can also realise why resistance is a highly unenlightened way to live. It easily becomes a ‘habit of reaction’ that overrides our ‘choice of response’. However, it also seems to be what most people do most frequently and it appears to be the way the world works. Competition is a form of mutual resistance. Blaming and complaining about others are forms of resistance to what has just happened. Criticising is even a form of resistance towards what others have done or are doing. Limiting our self is a form if resistance towards our own potential. All are symptoms of our discomfort at mental and emotional levels. They are signs that we are making our self unhappy.

A more enlightened way to live is from a state of ACCEPTANCE.   Acceptance does not mean we agree with the other person. We have a different point of view and even if we perceive their point of view is less accurate we are free of judging them or attempting to change them. Acceptance does not mean we condone what someone else has done. But it’s already done and acceptance is the first step in moving forward, which may include finding ways not to repeat mistakes.

When we move from resistance to acceptance we move from control to influence. We cannot control others but we can influence them. Acceptance is just the first step in the process of influencing another. The question, which then arises, is ‘how’ to influence the other most effectively? This is the challenge of ‘creativity’ in the context of our relationships. We cannot create an ‘influential response’ if our energy is stuck in a state of resistance. When we move from resistance to acceptance we are initiating conflict resolution. After decades of mutual resistance in Northern Ireland a certain leader came along and said, “We don’t agree with these people, we do not condone what they have done or are doing, but we accept they exist and that they have a point of view”. That one shift was the beginning of a dialogue and eventually a peace process that resulted in ‘mutual acceptance’ as the ground for a peaceful and co-creative co-existence.

When we move from resistance to acceptance we open our self to the other or the situation. And when we move from resistance to acceptance only then can we relax into life. That’s also when our ‘emotional content’ is no longer anger and fear but our ‘state of being’ is peaceful and loving. Not ‘hippie peace’ or ‘Hollywood love’ but the natural peace of our being that is the power of our life, and the kind of love of which acceptance is just one of its many faces.

That’s not to say we allow the world to walk all over us. If someone is attempting to snatch our bag then the most ‘creatively evasive action’ is necessary! But if they are carrying a knife then the sooner the acceptance that the bag is about to permanently leave our possession kicks in the better, for obvious reasons.

It’s no accident that even at the heart of many of the ‘marshal arts’ is the principle of acceptance. It takes the form of embracing whatever energy comes to you, in whatever form, either letting the energy pass completely (all things come to pass) or catching its momentum and making it work for you AND the other.

Question: What are the three things/people that you resist the most and why?
Reflection: Why does resisting others diminish our ability to connect with them?
Action: Ask three people this week what they resist most and why – discuss with them the merits of such a response.
© Mike George 2010

I hope you found Mike's reflections enlightening.  I'm off to have a coffee now, and resist the cake!

Keep well, inside and out, until next time.
Alison
 write to me at alison@gaincoaching.com

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Previous Messages

  Gaining Wisdom, Gaining Years

  Walk this Way

  Make your Mark

  Your Year

  Relationship Ripples

  Facets of Friendship - Part 2 - Chemistry

  Facets of Friendship - Part 1

  Being your own Coach

  Expand Your Life

  Patterns

  Losses, Gains & Gratitude

  Getting Your Sparkle Back

  Seasons for Change